Dear widows,
On behalf of all of us “friends” I would like to say I’m sorry. We don’t know what we are doing. We don’t always know how to be there for you. Often times we feel overwhelmed and afraid that we will do the wrong thing so we do nothing at all. We forget that doing nothing is “doing something” to you, and it is definitely the wrong thing to do.
Forgive us as we try to say nice things and say things that hurt instead.
Forgive us as we may for a moment forget that day that changed your world forever.
Forgive us when we don’t know what to say and so we say nothing.
Forgive us for the times when you needed a hug and we didn’t give you one.
Forgive us for the times when you needed us to call and we forgot.
Forgive us for the times when we expect you to act like nothing happened.
Forgive us for trying to tell you or teach you how you should grieve.
Forgive us for all the times we have not been good friends.
I am sorry. I have not always been the friend I should be to my widowed friend. I know that many others have not been good friends to you.
I am trying. I am failing a lot, but I am trying to be a better friend.
Know that even in our silence, we have not forgotten you. We may not know how to show it, but we love you, and we are trying….
Sincerely,
A friend
As a recent widow, and a fairly young one as well, I sincerely appreciate any and every effort by friends and family to be there for my children and I. I realize sometimes it is hard when we run off in a fit of tears for no apparent reason, but just being there when we return is huge. Leaving us to run and not chasing after us is huge. As a young widow I have gotten pretty good at voicing when I need to be left, and asking for help when I need and that is still very difficult. It is tough to admit you need help sometimes. You are more than welcome to read and comment or ask questions on my blog. I started it after I lost my husband, and have continued it for a couple reasons. 1) so family and friends can simply read up on how I am doing, so i don't have to constantly answer the sometimes teary answers to simple questions like how are you doing. and 2) so the friends I have met online who are also recent widows have someone to compare notes with so we all know that some of the things we are feeling are normal. Thanks for being a welcome and listening ear. I have seen some wonderful letters written explaining to friends of widows what they are feeling. I am only 7 months into this new life and have much to learn myself, thanks for learning with us.
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Beautifully written 'apology', Friend. If all friends were this sensitive us widow types might heal a bit faster (not fast, just faster). It's hard for all of us - 99.9% of us has never been through this before. We all need to remember that we're all trying to do our best - for each other. It sounds like you're succeeding!
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